I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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