I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
