I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
