So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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