this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
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