it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
