Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
