So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
