We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
