Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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