There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
