you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
