I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
