i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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