Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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