i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
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