it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
