I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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