you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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