I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
