Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
