so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
