Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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