apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
