who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize