How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
