Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
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Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
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The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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