My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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