I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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