Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
