i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
