So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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