my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
