Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
