I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
