do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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