I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
being pregnant is like rehab
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
not ubering you a puppy
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
