Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
