We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
