i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
