There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
