What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
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I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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