He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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