you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
