he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
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did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
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All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We smell like vodka and hangover
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