go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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