If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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