Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
