Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Found your dick twin last night
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
