if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
How naked do you want me to be?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
