Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
