someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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