? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
