He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
