How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize