Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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