I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
