there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
