I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
