I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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