My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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