i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
