Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
