You can't motorboat a personality
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
