I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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