when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
