Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
