Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
